My Thoughts of being a
Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM)
with and without a helper,
and a Full-Time Working Mom

Since i’ve been in a few situations before, i shall share some of my experiences and thoughts. Dont judge. You may or may not agree with me on certain things as we might have been in the same situation but we probably handle it differently.
Belen was born in June 2014. Back then, i am a SAHM without a helper. Thankful that during my confinement period, the husband and my mother helped me so much. I didn’t have a confinement after having Beorn cause we dont really know what to do and what to prepare. This time round, my mother helped to cooked my confinement food, made red dates drink and boiled the herbal soups for me. The husband spent $287 on getting pre-packed herbs from Hock Hua for confinement. I would recommend mommies to get it! Save so much time. There are 28 different packets in a box. On the box, they even indicated the different types of herbs in each 28 packets! So my mother just need to open the packet, put in the double-boiler and just boil. Easy!
It was quite chaotic. Haha! Especially when Beorn was still really active. At least i got to breastfeed a little longer and in peace. I didn’t get to rest well too cause need to take care of Belen. In between this period, a lot of things happened and we were forced to employ a helper. Since then, i became a SAHM with helper.
My first helper was quiet and gentle. Quite petite but she can’t bond with my boys. She just stood there and watched them play. I would say that she always daydream. The boys didnt allowed her to feed or shower them. Some things happened so we sent her back to agency and got a new maid. We waited for a few months again.
Our second helper came. She can bond with the boys well. Everything was good till some people decided to make things worse for us and my helper. Then i realized having a helper, is really tiring. Its even more tiring when people around aren’t cooperative.
To me, i find it funny having to control someone who is way older than me. Having a helper definitely makes our life easier. The husband and I get to go dating once in awhile. Even if having any family outings or gatherings, I’ve a helper to help me. When the helper being good and obedient, life was good till mobile phone was given and off-day was granted, things changed.
At the same time, i went back to work. Hi to workforce!
I became a Full-time Working Mom with a helper.
After every each off-day, we see new “pattern” from the helper and definitely more rebellious too. No longer listen to instructions and have her own mind of doing things in her own way. Especially when it comes to medication, if i can, i will feed the kiddo instead of letting her to do. But times where i’ve to work, no choice but to instruct her. Sadly, she can’t follow or chose not to follow instructions. Instead of giving medicine at night, she gave it in the afternoon. Her excuse was she is afraid she will forget about it.
I think being my helper is the best. All she needs to do is handling the kids. Our main priority is the kids. Play with them, shower them, feed them, follow them….kids’ safety comes first. Second, house chores. Majorities of the helpers are to clean the entire house and washing all toilets every single day, but not for my helper. I know my boys are active and the helper voiced out that she cant manage doing house chores daily, so we stick to twice a week to cleaning the entire house but everyday to mop the living room. Now, she own self cut down to once a week to clean the entire house.
My helper dont need to cook as my mother is doing it. So basically my helper’s jobs are that little yet she is afraid that she will forget to give medicine during dinner time. Excuses and lies from a helper starting to grow. Demands and special requests from her started to come. We loaned her an amount since she needed it for her daughter’s treatment. We took a week to consider because of her poor working attitude. We even got a indirect threaten that she can’t concentrate on her work if we dont lend her the sum. We thought she would work even harder to show her appreciation. But we got it wrong. She really took it for granted.
Then i realized, she no longer say thank you to us or apologize when she is at fault. Ego? Or she dont admit it was her fault?
A few of our brand new unworn clothes was washed by her and they flew it away. 2 incidents where our money was short. A few incidents that caught her lying yet didnt confront her. The most recent incident was just a few weeks back. Counted the number of packets of medicine left as i realized it never get lesser at all. The next day i asked if she fed Belen medicine and she said yes. Counted together with my mother and the same number of packets remained. Confronted her of lying yet she still insisted but her eyes betrayed her. Got the agent to talk to her. After the call she confronted me. Then insisted that i counted wrongly. So much of wanting to clap hands for her for talking back.
A few times because of a helper, a few arguments and quarrels began between family members too. A good helper wouldn’t behave such ways and trying to destroy marriage and kinship. Apparently she thinks that we are stupid. Just that we didnt want her to feel like a fool and feel ashamed. Quite sad to know a mother of 4 behaves this way.
10 more months, her contract will be ended. Time to search for a new helper and hopefully will get a better one! The helper must be able to take seafood and spice! *Fingers crossed* Our current helper is a headache. Every time heading out for dinner, instead of deciding what the boys can eat, we have to think of her first. She dont take spice and seafood. Not even fish! Many kinds of cuisines she dont like it too -.- We loveeeeee japanese food! Whenever with her, we cant have it. Even if we ordered chicken cutlet or teriyaki chicken with rice for her, she dont finish it and had a super hard time trying to eat!
Been so tiring! Handling a helper is more tiring than handling the boys. Having to deal with someone older than me, talking to her again and again, concern about her family, her feelings and thoughts etc. Damn reluctant to care much about her after so many things happened. Everyday after work, back home having to hearing negative stuffs about helper. I can’t just ignore it especially when my boys are in her hands. My mother is soft. So as bad as no one is looking after the helper.
Talk to her about her working attitude, she is unhappy. Not even shouting or scolding at her, she can’t take it. Simple logic. If she do what she’s supposed to do and follow it well, who would often wanna talk to her about her poor working attitude? The agent told her to apologize to me but apparently she didnt.
Being a working mom is tough when the helper isnt behaving. Mind gets distracted and heart gets wild. The urge of wanting to rush home and give her a good scolding and the anger in me so wanna flare out! That’s when then i realized having a helper, may not make my life easier too.
Many questioned on why we dont put the kids in childcare. I did thought of it. But if they’re sick, how is my mother gonna handle 2? We cant be getting childcare leave every time as we’ve a limited number of childcare leave. Whats more knowing quite a few abusive cases happened in childcare. As for now, im hoping and dreaming that i be a SAHM and work from home, watching the kids grow, educate them and guiding the helper. I am still hoping and believing that it will come true, soon ;D
So questions like “why still need a helper when you’re home with the boys“, “why dont want to put them in childcare and you go work“…..
If i am gonna work from home, without a helper, how am i gonna work? Putting Beorn in childcare wont be an issue but for Belen, we cant. He’s still young. Especially with his medical condition, not safe as not all teachers can handle him if it happens.
You know, i dislike decision making. Afraid of making the wrong choices. Sigh. Can only pray hard for a better helper and a healthier Belen!